Who's Standard?

I’m about to go a little bit feminist on y’all. Please bear with me. I was discussing the frustrating and inefficient nature of corporate America with a friend yesterday. We digressed somewhat into a discussion of the social pressure for people, more specifically women, to live up to an unrealistic and unhealthy physical standard. What follows is the resulting email I sent to her after we were conveniently cut off (cell phones…lovely).

I suppose the best way to go about understanding and addressing the problem is to start with the "enemy". In this case, I would say that the enemy is actually social pressure, societal norms, the media.

Let’s look at the common response people have to their perceived failures. Often people feel guilty for not living up to these norms. Others may even feel like failures because of the implied social judgment that results from this inability (or refusal) to conform. My usual response to these perceived failures is that, "One should never use someone else's criteria to judge one's own success." This means that the world imposes a lot of ideas on us. These ideas, as they gain popularity, begin to be interpreted as fact, as truth. The only real fact though, is that these social norms and pressures are just an opinion. They're public opinion. What is an opinion? A subjective assessment of reality. Not fact, rather preference. You wouldn't tell someone that they're wrong to prefer chocolate ice cream would you? We're beginning to understand that certain social norms are just flat out wrong (the vilification of homosexuality being a glaring example of a past norm that has been identified as wrong, if there is such a thing as right/wrong, but that’s another issue for another day). So when will we realize that these norms are only that? They're not facts. They're not laws. They're just someone's idea of what's right.

I'd like to attempt a reference to Kant’s categorical imperative. The idea is to come up with a universal maxim or law that can be extracted from any single action. Let's say I decide to not pay my taxes. If this is applied as a universal law, then no one will pay taxes, and the ultimate manifestations of those tax dollars will deteriorate (roads, public health, defense, etc.). We can then say that it would be wrong to not pay taxes, because if everyone chose to do this, then we would all consequently suffer.

So now, let's try to come up with a universal maxim for the pressure from social norms. Let's say that we all decided to determine our own measures of success. Then we would all pursue our own destinies in our own ways. No one would be hurt. Most likely, we'd all be much happier. Now, let's say we all decide to adopt the criteria of "society". Everyone would be striving to look and act in ways that are contrary to our biological natures. People would be unhappy and feel like failures. On an economic level, business would suffer because no one would be eating. The restaurant industry would fizzle....you get the idea. So basically, if we were all gorgeous, waify model types, then we'd all be addicted to pills and champagne and have no time for our own pursuits (and contributions). No new research would occur and the improvement of the overall state of the world would come to a stand-still. But hey, we'd all look great and plastic surgeons would be raking it in!

In addition, if we all looked to someone else to determine what the criteria for success are, then no one would have the answer. We'd all be waiting, eagerly, for someone else to say what they thought. But remember, everyone is waiting for someone else to take the first step. The result: complete paralysis. Obviously someone had to come up with their own idea of success. This person was probably from a group that was historically in power and wished to preserve that power. So we've just decided to accept and adopt the very norms that have put us in a subordinate role? This is a mistake.

The solution, on an individual level, is then to set out to reach success in one’s own way. Admittedly it is difficult to tune out society, but when you feel like a success until the social verdict comes in, perhaps it is society, and not you who is wrong.