Someone Like Me

She should have been studying. Instead she spent the evening watching a romantic movie. She had sighed and cried, just as any hopeless romantic would. Then, she started thinking - her philosophical side taking over.

She had convinced herself that these love stories were pure fiction. That people were unable to feel and act so freely. Why? Why, when behavioral patterns over the ages show that love and security are exactly what we want? The reason was that she also had observed so many wonderful people punishing themselves and hardening themselves to the world.

She scribbled in her journal, furiously:

I want to meet someone who is not afraid. I want to be madly in love without fear of hurt. I want to simultaneously know that the person to whom I have devoted my life is the one who makes it worth living and could completely wreck me. I want to have enough trust between us to know that he wouldn’t do that.

I want someone who will work when things are hard. I want someone who will commit the same amount of heart that I will.

I am so tired of not caring. I want to care. I want to feel. I want someone to feel with me. I don’t want a coat of armor. I want nerves and skin and heart. I want to touch someone and be touched in return.

I don’t want someone who is keeping his options open. I don’t want someone who is playing it safe. I want someone to dive in with me and risk it all. I want to make that risk the biggest payoff of his life.

I will find this. I will continue to live and feel, even when it hurts. I will not numb myself like so many I see. I will be so happy. I will settle for nothing less.

Now she understood what she wanted. The philosopher and the romantic were not intrinsically opposed. Human desire and rational process could actually work together. She would find what she was looking for.