Willingness

For my whole life, over and over again, I've been told that people don't change. People are as they are and there's not a thing that will change that. In old age, this amplifies. A person who was slightly rigid in youth will become completely stiff as they mature.

This may be true, but I'd like to examine the root causes and the implications of this chosen behavior pattern. First, it is important to consider that change is difficult. It requires that a person make an effort to examine his/her own behavior and reflect with a level of criticism. Basically, one must admit to imperfection. One must admit to being wrong. How many people are really able to do this without suffering a blow to the ego? So, we've established that change is not instinctual. Change requires a great deal of effort.

Why then, would someone want to change? We can agree that our environment changes constantly. We can also agree that the people within our environment change along with it. As most people view human interaction as an important component of their daily existence, it is therefore important to be able to adjust to these different types of people. One must flex and bend in order to function.

Imagine the following analogy: A child’s bones are flexible. The child will run and play and bump and bruise. Occasionally the child will break a bone, but in most cases, the bones are able to take a good stretch. As this child ages and moves into adulthood, the bones become less flexible and more brittle. A bump that would have yielded a little bruise in childhood now requires a hip replacement. The difference? Brittle, inflexible bones. The bones are unable to adjust properly to the corner into which they bumped. The lack of adjustment is a detriment to the one unwilling to flex rather than the environment. The point here is that even a predictable environment will not remain static. Adjustment and flexibility are necessary to function normally.

I would also argue that a person who asks "Can people change?" is really asking, "Can one person make another change?" The answer to this question is, "No." But this only extends so far as the other person is unwilling to adjust. A person who is willing to adjust can do so up until the last day of their life.

So the question really becomes: Can a person change? With those who would insist that the answer is no, I would adamantly disagree.

Change is a matter of choice. One can always choose to make him/herself a better person. One would always benefit from such a choice. People who are unwilling and stubborn are hurting themselves. We are not bones. We are minds with the ability to use rational thought in order to train and retrain ourselves to move throughout our existence. I only recently learned how to cook a great risotto. Just a month ago was the first time I tried to play guitar. My age was not a hindrance. In fact, my ability to discipline myself and engage willpower (through the callus-forming stage) increased the speed with which I picked up these new skills.

My father would always have said, “Mind over matter.” What he meant was that one can do anything he/she chooses (aside from breaking physical law). He’s right.