Miracle Spring Water

I seem to see the most interesting programs from my elliptical machine in the ungodly hours of the morning at the gym. Normally, I amuse myself by watching the guys walk around and lift heavy things. It's generally enough to observe the feather fluffing/mating rituals of the meathead (not that I'm opposed to sweaty muscled men...). Today though, I was in for a treat.

Somehow, someone had tuned the center television to the miracle network. For some reason I was under the impression that miracles were harder to come by, but apparently one can just turn on the tube and there are thousands (LITERALLY thousands) of miracles each day.

"How can I get a miracle for myself," you ask? Why the answer is simple: Miracle spring water. As I understand it, there's some sort of spring "out there" with fountain-of-youth-esque qualities. The people at the miracle network are bottling the water and sending it to you, free of charge!

Did I miss something here? Isn's salvation something that is supposed to be had after a lifetime of pious acts, doing unto others and various "other" whatnot? Admittedly, I'm a skeptic. "Not religious" is a giant understatement. Still, I try to respect the beliefs of others even when I disagree. Miracle spring water is a bit insulting, right? I mean, all you have to do is get a bottle, "add faith" and you're cured of cancer, debt, unhappiness...you name it! Doesn't Christianity preach personal accountability? How does drinking a bottle of water and getting a get out of jail free card enforce any of the values touted so heavily?

I suspect that there aren’t too many people who fall for this sort of thing, but I would argue that the few who do are the ones who are the furthest down on their luck. Aren’t these the people who need REAL help? Isn’t false hope ultimately even more damaging? If drinking a bottle of water was the solution, we’d all be doing it. I hate to watch people who could take real action to better their lives lured by the easy solution…the false solution.

You know what tends to be a good plan for solving one's problems? Discipline, logic and a supportive environment. Perhaps we should bottle that.